“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
In the changes that occur naturally throughout life, I often find myself at varying intersections we have all been taught are the necessary evils. One of the intersections that I seem to allows find myself back at is in dealing with my confidence and belief in self-perseverance. Today was one like many whereas I build up my confidence in my abilities and knowledge I come to a crossroads with those around me.
I have often found myself in a space where my confidence in self is challenged. Almost questioned as if I am not worth having it. On several occasions this week alone I have been asked in so many words, how dare I think so highly and sure of myself? How could I possibly have the audacity to have free thought, share honest opinions, or voice an opinion that goes against the norm? It is this type of ideology of my peers that in my younger years caused me a lot of anguish and grief.
I spent a lot of years holding in this energy that wanted to scream out to people. The desire to let my voice be heard instead of going with the flow of things. Or forcing myself to accept that this is how life is going to be. I spent years training myself to be complicit to the ignorance of others. I did not understand at the time that I had been doing myself a great disservice on the hopes of not pissing off those around me for the sake of possibly having a friend.
As I grow older, I have gotten much wiser than how I initially perceived life.
I have come to the understanding now as an adult that these were never my shortcomings but in actually the fears of everyone else being projected. It was taken me just as much time and energy to break free from the chains that bound me to complacency that I induced on myself. To build up the confidence to speak up on what I want and my desires and expectations have been a challenge, I cannot lie about that. But I am happy to finally have my voice and be able to speak out when I don’t agree. Some may think that I am conceited or that I “think too highly” of myself and they are entitled to their opinions. However, I have gotten to a place in my personal growth that I am not allowing those who have shortcomings in their own existence to have an impact on me.
I have worked very hard to gain the knowledge that I have and even harder to have the courage to say what many would never. Where I am in life, this new space I live in, will not allow me to bite my tongue for the sake of political correctness, nor can I sugar coat perceptions.
From the day that I told myself enough of putting the feelings of others before myself was enough; I have found the confidence to challenge myself and chase my desires carefree in a sense. I have pushed past detractors who have said that I shouldn’t say or that I shouldn’t pursue and am constantly going after my dreams.
I encourage everyone around me to say it loudly and proudly “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!”
Be your own biggest advocate, your own supporter, your own cheerleader. Set your standards and your expectations high! Always expect the best and accept nothing less than. I say this with all truth and all honesty, not everyone is going to like it. Not everyone will agree with your boldness. If we all carry ourselves like the soft-spoken girl I once was we would never know that we have flaws as people and some of them need to be addressed if no one ever tells you because of the fear that they will hurt feelings. People are to use to timidness when we need to be honest with our friends, our families, or our colleagues. Sometimes we can keep searching for the nice way to say things; what needs to be said will never be disclosed if we keep this up.
On the flip-side of this encouragement, we also have to be humble enough to accept criticism as well. I have learned that with finding myself, I still had to learn how to decipher legitimate criticism vs. hurt feelings trying to go tit for tat. In those case, I have learned not to allow the hurt feelings to get me roaring, but to wish well and move forward. Everyone is not in the same space I am in and I can respect that. Not everyone is ready to hear the difficult truths no matter how many times it has been presented to them. I no longer allow myself to feel bad or hurt by these exchanges. I understand that people don’t know any different than what they have been, no different then I did. I have come to the conclusion is that all you can do is pray that their heart is opened to the reality that is and that they discover the best way to address the issues internally.
I am happy that I have gotten to this place where I can have the utmost confidence in myself where I no longer allow the perceptions of others or their projections of inadequacy to deviate me from the path I have chosen.
*side note: Be sure to like and follow this blog series as I will be touching on in more detail on building, maintaining, and utilizing confidence in life and career. This is just the tip of the iceberg of my trials and tribulations in these areas of my life.
Comments